Yau, man! This One Hurts

Survivor 16:3 Micronesia minicap

As much as I love seeing my old favorites back on the show, there are times when the reality doesn't match up with my memory. And, of course, I think they feel the same way about each other as I do about them. Not so, apparently! When one of my favorite favorites of all time plans the elimination of my all-time favorite, my world shifts without explanation on its axis. (Okay, so I'm a bit over-dramatic here - but ouch! This one really hurt.)

So, back to the beginning of the episode. We see Mikey B. grousing about the knife Joel stuck in his back (which - Yea, what was that about, anyway?) For some reason, he also refers to the "four girls," then explains that he considers Chet a girl. Totally uncalled for, yet undeniably expectable, considering the source.

Anyway, then Mikey B becomes the voice of reason by summing up the entire thesis of this episode - tribes should be thinking short game now, not long. Voting off a strong player may benefit you post-merge, but you have to make it to the merge with numbers to avoid a Pagonging, so your short term, pre-merge game should be based on holding onto the team mates who can best bring you solidly to the merge. (Someone should be taking notes - yes, Cirie, I'm looking at you.)

Speaking of which, the Favorites start the tribal dance of alliances back at camp. The Showmance crew (on your scorecards that's Ozzy/Amanda, James/Parvati) invite Eliza to the beach, where Ozzy fills her in on his punch list. He says he wants to vote out the weak which, in his mind, would mean Yau goes first, then Jonathan, then Cirie. Which, if you think about it, is the exact opposite of what he said it would be. For the record, Ozzy, Jonathan and Yau wouldn't be the weakest links in this tribe (okay, I'll have to give you Cirie, but Eliza and Ami are certainly weaker in challenges than Penner and Yau). Of course, Cirie plays the best social game ever, while Penner is among the greatest strategists the game has ever seen and Yau is the smartest, most beloved, most surprising Survivor ever....Ozzy is smart to want the threesome out, no matter what his motivation.

Eliza nods, then runs back to her own alliance (those who haven't hooked up yet) to report back. Cirie tells us (though not the other singletons) that she hasn't decided which side is better for her yet. She says it's a matter of trust, but that no one should trust her right now. (Cue ominous notes of foreshadowing.)

Morning. The sun is up and the tree mailbox is full with goodies in the form of war paint and a note instructing the players to prepare for battle. There's also a catalog, from which the tribe can choose three luxury items as rewards. It's funny to note the fans cover themselves with paint, while the favorites use it a bit more sparingly. It's almost like "Been there, done that, know clean up is a real job!" for them. Anyway, Eliza declares the Favorites will "decimate" the Fans. Big words for a little lady, eh?

The tribes arrive at the challenge and Jeff introduces the Fan tribe sans Mary. "Mary?" asks Eliza, and the faces of other favorites echo her sentiment: "There was a Mary?" Which: exactly. So Jeff explains the challenge, in which the tribes will charge across the lagoon toward the opponents' end zone with three bags. The goal is to get all three of your bags as well as two of the other tribe's bags into your end zone. Stealing is permitted, even encouraged, and the first tribe to have five bags in its end zone at the same time wins the items it selected from the catalog (shelter, a lighting kit and a survival kit for the Favorites; shelter, fishing kit and kitchen set for the Fans).

Worth playing for? Agreed. And go.

Okay, so there are bodies smashing and bags flying and a lot of slipping and sliding (did I mention the rain?). Eliza keeps up her string of challenge injuries by taking a hit on the head from Erik as she attaches herself to his shorts to stop him from moving ahead. Then Erik flips Amanda as she attempts to go after him, earning him the wrath of James. The gravedigger runs to Amanda's rescue, trying to tackle the ice cream scooper. Anyway, in all the commotion, Penner steals a fan bag and runs to the end zone. Reward to the Favorites! They choose to return Kathy to Exile Island, this time sending Ami as her tagalong.

The Favorites celebrate their victory by sharing war stories (or, in this case, stories that show how desirable they are). Ozzy says the nice girl asked him if he had a girlfriend (does he, Amanda?) while Eliza shares how Mikey B had her and Amanda in headlocks and said he'd like to stay that way all day. Because, of course, Eliza is just as desirable as the girls in the Showmance group, you know. At least, that's what she is saying.

Cirie isn't saying anything, and walks away from the group. She's wondering why the two alliances aren't acknowledging her position as swing vote. Shouldn't they be wooing her? Pursuing her? Carrying her on a chariot and peeling her grapes for her? She says it jokingly, as though she realizes that there is also weakness in believing a swing vote can bring you power. (Which, if you learned anything from Christy the deaf girl in the Amazon, you know is true.)

Then we see Cirie, Parvati and Amanda out on a boat. Cirie tells them she doesn't feel strong in an alliance with them because they are both "involved>" Parvati says she didn't make James any promises, while Amanda says she'd dump Ozzy whenever necessary. They all agree that James and Ozzy could beat them in a final three situation, so they pledge to try to make it a GirlPower Finale. Then they decide to target Yau first, as no one could beat him in the final tribal council (which is probably the smartest thing they've said).

Jonathan watches the action from the beach, but tells Eliza he isn't nervous. Eliza makes the very astute observation that Cirie is like Eliza - needing reassurance that she is indeed an essential (read: final three) member of the alliance.

Over on Exile, Kathy and Ami are revisiting the route Kathy took with Cirie last week. Kathy plays dumb when Ami can't figure out some clues, and the whole search is abandoned on account of storm.

The Fan camp seems to be hit hard by the storm. It looks seriously miserable - everyone is wet and dripping and shivering. This beating is even worse than the one at the reward challenge, Joel notes. But maybe it will fire them up to win the next, all important immunity challenge. You think?

This time, the tribes choose two men and two women to hold onto a rope net while the remaining tribe mates shoot coconuts at the net. If a basket is scored, the net gets heavier (duh) and eventually the net will be so heavy those holding the net will let go. The last net up is the winner.

Erik, Joel, Tracy and Natalie are holding the net for the Fans, while Penner, Cirie and the tag team of Parvati/James do the honors for the Favorites.The first one to score is Jason, then Alexis, then Jason again. The Favorites are missing every throw until Yau-Man swishes one in. Because Yau? He's the man, and he can do anything. Just saying.

Then the coconuts start landing in the net right and left, but it's apparent the Fans played more "HORSE" as children than the Favorites did. Jonathan tries to distract the Fans by mocking them. It doesn't work; the Favorites let go first and face tribal council.

Dejected, the Favorites head back to camp. Jonathan and the rest of the Lonely Hearts Club target Parvati, while the Showmance Crew discuss their choice. Ozzy and James seem undecided, but Parvati thinks they should vote Yau to appease Cirie. James doesn't seem happy with the choice, but will go along with any plan that spares Parvati. Cuz he wants her to stick around, ya know what I mean?

Ozzy and Amanda approach Cirie and discuss switching to Eliza, because she's weaker at challenges. (And, yes, that does count at this point!) Cirie seems angry the Showmance Crew isn't going along with her plan to oust Yau. She says she may be persuaded to switch to Jonathan. Ami and Eliza walk through the conversation and Ami tells Jonathan it's him or Yau. Jonathan and Ami try to get Cirie back on their side (cuz isn't her heart lonely too?) Cirie says she knows Yau and Jonathan have a strong alliance (which Yau admits to) but Jonathan says he thought he had a similar alliance with Cirie.

So Ms. Cirie is riding a chariot - at least, she's the Cleopatra to the rest of the slaves on the beach. The Showmance Crew (and, for reasons I have yet to decipher, Ami) discuss the situation. Ozzy wants to vote Eliza out, but Parvati says they have to go along with Cirie to keep the majority. Ozzy says they (with Ami) don't need Cirie. Then he and James try to get Cirie to go along with the Eliza vote, but she seems pretty firm in voting Yau.

Ironically, James calls his teammates a bunch of dumbasses for letting Cirie control the vote. This, coming from a man who was voted out of his original game with not one but two immunity idols in his back pocket. Now there's the pot calling the kettle dumb, James.

The Lonely Hearts decide to stand firm with the Parvati vote, hoping the Showmance Crew is splintered enough to split their vote and allow the LH's to prevail.

Onto Tribal Council. Jeff asks a few useless questions, then goes for the juggler - is the focus of the game on keeping the tribe strong, or on setting up a winning scenario at the end? Penner believes they should keep the tribe strong, even if that means some likable players make it to the merge. Cirie says she plays for the team as it benefits her. Jonathan makes faces and, when called on it, says everyone knows outing the person Cirie wants out will not benefit the tribe. Cirie says Jonathan is only upset because she isn't going along with him.

He says he thought they were aligned, but Cirie counters that she's the fifth wheel in their alliance (which, hello? Where is she with the Showmances? Whatever.)

So they go vote. Penner is shown voting Parvati, surprising no one. Cirie votes for Yau, saying he's aligned with the biggest liar in the game. Probst reads the votes, which go as follows: Parvati, Yau, Yau, Parvati, Cirie, Yau, Yau, Yau. Which breaks my heart almost as much as Dreamz did when he backed out of that car deal.

Coming up - Jonathan and Cirie fight. Mikey B and Joel fight. Are we having fun yet?

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Yau, man! This One Hurts

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