Survivor: Gabon

Season 17, Episode One, Hour One in which one tribe is labelled "The Stupidest People On Earth"

Remember the first time Survivor was in Africa? Remember Frank and Brandon on the drive-in date, Lex following his gut (which was always wrong), Elisabeth losing her hair? Ah, good times.

Well, last night was the premiere of Survivor: Gabon which brings us back to Africa in what Mark Burnett and crew are calling “Earth’s last Eden.” This is the reality show’s 17th season (and real fans can name all the winners on a lit match) which takes us back to the dark continent. As the two hour (yay!) premiere opens, the castaways are unceremoniously dumped the castaways into the playground of elephants, rhinos and hippos, oh my! Then Emmy-winning host Jeff Probst (he of the deep dimples and endless supply of khaki) has them introduce themselves. In true Survivor fashion (Gary Hogeboom, anyone?), some of the contestants lie about their profession. One of these is Olympic track and field gold medalist Crystal, who passes herself off as a mom and a preschool teacher.

The Teams

As is African custom, the oldest will make the important decisions, so Gillian (nurse, 61, annoying accent) and Bob (physics teacher, 58, bow tied and awesome) step up for the schoolyard picks. Which turned out to be absolutely bizarre. Instead of going for the strapping hunks this time, the very first pick is Crystal, whom Gillian embraces as “a fellow mom” (proving Gillian is no judge of character). Bob picks “the bald guy,” who turns out to be Ace. The rest of the split turns out this way:

Kota (the yellow tribe): Bob, Ace, Sugar (I know!), Marcus, Charlie, Paloma, Kelly, Jacquie and Corinne
Fang (the red tribe): Gillian, Crystal, Susie, Matty, Randy, Dan, GC, Ken and Michelle

Michelle was none-too-pleased at being last pick and, even though I’ve been there (I had to promise to do the captain’s homework on my fifth grade kickball team), I know you can’t get all pouty and mean when playing a game for a million bucks that is, for the most part, social. But social doesn’t seem to be Miss Michelle’s strong suit. More on that later.
gabon cast.jpg
The Challenges
First challenge was a run up a hill, with individual immunity for the first member of each team to the top and extra provisions for the first total team to make it there. GC and Marcus leave the teams behind as they scramble for the individual prize, and Kota easily wins the team award, getting corn in addition to the rice given both teams.

The team immunity challenge was one of those obstacle-courses-while-tethered-together deals we’ve come to know and yawn through in the past 17 seasons. Anyway, Kota wins again – sending Fang to bite off one of their own. (Hee!)
The Social Game
Bottom line: Michelle don’t play dat. She bonds a bit with Ken the game geek – they even swoon over a meal of termites – but she declares the rest of the team “retards” and “the stupidest people on earth.” Quite endearing, eh?

On the other side of the elephant dung, Charlie (a lawyer of the Clay Aiken persuasion) is crushing on Marcus (he of the beautiful blue eyes, the doctor’s degree and, oh yeah, the heterosexual orientation). Though he’s careful to tell us “that’s not how I roll,” Marcus is not above flirting with Charlie to stay on his good side. Michelle should be taking notes.

The Injury Report
Randy bumped his head on a branch and needed stitches. Because I so needed to see that.

Tribal Council
Well, Gillian is old and feeble and holding the tribe back…..but they’d rather live with that then be called names, so Michelle is out.

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Recent Entries:
· Survivor Gabon Premiere (The Second Hour)
· Survivor: Gabon
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Survivor: Gabon

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